You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
