i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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