i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
