just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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