I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
