Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
