The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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