Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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