How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
