JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
