ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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