You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
