But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
