went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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