There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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