Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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