Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
