You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
