Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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