I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize