also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
