she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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