How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
