I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
