sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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