Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Come on in and take your pants off
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