Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
