I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
