Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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