I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
