Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
