Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
