Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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