didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize