Got a toothbrush?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
