guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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