Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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