have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
