don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
