They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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