my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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