Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
