What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
