I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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