office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
