Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
