Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
