This is not my ceiling
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
