And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
