ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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