fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
