Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
