Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In America we eat man semen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
