I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
