Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my sisters under your porch take her home
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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