Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
