sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
from now on my penis is your penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
