Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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