I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Terrible idea I love it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
