i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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