Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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