there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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