Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
