Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
