These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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